Drop It Run, Run For Hours, Days..
You Know It Wasn't Your Fault
Yet You Feel Responsible Regardless
You Keep Run Until You See A Playground, You See A Swing
The Days When You Were Young, You Could Swing Forever
As You Swing You Get Higher And Higher
Until You Get So High The Chains Jump
You Don't Wanna Slow Down, It Makes You Feel Better
Jump! Waiting For The Right Time, You Think
The Past, Present And What The Future May Look Like
What Happened, Whats Happening And What Could Possibly Go Wrong
You Jump, Flying Through The Air Waiting For The Ground, Heart Racing
Next Thing You Remember Is Waking Up Lying On The Ground
Walking Home, Hurt More Than When You Got To The Playground
Physically And Emotionally Hurt, Tired

Okay, Slow Down, This Time Your Going To Get Hurt.
Put Your Left Foot Forward, Then Your Right Foot.
Lean Forward, Trust Yourself Not To Fall.
Talking To Myself Was Never Healthy.
As I Wait Anxiously To Awake From This Floating Sensation.
I Trust You In Everyway Possible.
Your Under My Feet Helping Me Soar Above The Ground.
Yet Something Tells Me Your Not Being Completely Direct With Me.
Will I Fall Or Lose Balance?
My Foot Slips, I Fall, I Graze My Knees And The Palms Of My Hands.
Although I Fell It Was My Fault.
I Was Concentrating On The Fall To Come, Rather Than You.
I Get Back Up, Only To See Everyone Laughing, Pointing And Teasing.
I Run Off Crying Leaving You Behind, 15 Minutes Later..
I Come Back To Find Someone Stole You From Me.
Caught Up In My Own Fears, I Lost You.

formspring.me

Question.. GO http://formspring.me/JessiKitaah

Sun Rising, The Rays Shine Through The Cracks In My Curtains
The Bright, Blistering Sunshine Hurts My Eyes, My Body So Stiff
My Head Aching, It's Hard To Breath, Struggling To Keep Myself Alive
My Feet Hit The Ground, It's As If They Haven't Seen It For Months
Taking A Shower Should Help Me Relax, It's Hard To Move
The Warm Rushing Water Runs Down My Back To The Floor Tiles
I Stand In The Shower Making The Water Hotter And Hotter, But
The Water Resists, It Doesn't Feel Any Hotter, Just Heavier, Intense
My Toes Start To Burn, Finger Tips So Old And Frail Looking
Getting Out Sounds Like A Good Idea, I Get Out Feeling Worse
Maybe If I Eat Something I Might Feel Better, Bacon And Eggs, Yum
It Tastes Alot Better Than The Taste I Woke Up With, So Profoundly Bitter
But I Still Feel Terrible, I Walk Off To My Room, Fall Onto My Bed
I Lay There Wondering What Happened Last Night
What Went Wrong? Why Do I Feel So Disgusting And Dirty?

I Sit On The Grass Outside My House Listening To Tainted Lyrics
Soothing My Worries, But At The Same Time It Makes Them Real
What I Really Need Is A Hero, Someone To Take The Hurt Away
As I Sit Here Trying To Improve My Mood, I Lay Down, Staring
Confused And Shaken Up, Ripping At The Grass, Gasping My Heart
I Feel Restrained, I Have No Control, I've Lost Myself In My Thoughts
I Need A Boost, Something To Lift My Spirits, I'm Searching, Yet Nothing

When You Told Me Best Friends Forever I Believed You
As Time Goes On We Change, Experience Life, Grow Apart
Slowly As We Both Try To Make This Friendship Work
We Both Know In The Back Of Our Minds It Could Never Be
I Contemplate Whether Or Not To End It For Good
I'm Not Strong Enough, I Care As Much As I Did Before
You've Changed, Your Not That Best Friend I Held So Close
I Struggle To Say Good-Bye, Can't Hurt You The Way It Hurts Me
You Talk About Suicide And How Your Life's Tough
I Tell You How I Feel Nicely, You Tell Me It Was All A Joke
You Make Me Run Back To You, It's As If By Magic

Eventually Our Memories Fade As We Get Older
Yet They Get Replaced With Newer, More Complicated Ones
As I Try To Remember, So Long Ago, When I Made You Sparkle
I Can Faintly See Your Smile As We Skip Down The Road
The Sound Of Your Giggly Laugh Radiates Your Happiness
The Memory Begins To Get Clearer And Clearer
Althought It's Not Complete, I Start To Feel As If I'm There
It Starts To Pour Down With Rain, Lightning Strikes, Thunder Shaking
You Insist We Stay Outside, We Don't Have To Go Home Yet
We Begin To Run Down The Road, Around The Corner To The Park
When We Get To The Park, The Memory Fades, Jumps And Changes
This New Memory Is Unknown To Me, Yet I've Been Here Before
Maybe There Was A Reason For That Memories To Be Erased
Your Different, Taller, Stronger, Bolder, Bitter, Angry, I Feel Confused
I Feel This Hate Towards You, Yet I Still Care So Strongly For You
As The Memory Expands, It Just Gets Worse And Worse
I Wake Up, Breathing Heavily, Sweating, Confused
It Was Just A Dream, Yet The Reality Of You Is The Same
I Begin To Cry, Exhausted From The Thought Of You

Laying On My Trampoline, Staring At The Clouds, Thinking
Trying To Imagine Life Without You In It, But It's Unimaginable
All I See Is You, Your Electrifying Smile And Your Beautiful Green Eyes
Laying On A Trampoline Never Seemed So Perfect, Usually I Jump
When I Close My Eyes, It Feels As If Your Here With Me
I Begin To Laugh And Smile, I Reach Out For You, Yet Your Not Here

Mystery Of Love - When You Like Someone And You Don't Think They Like You, But You Have A Feeling They Do
Frustration Of Love - When You Find Out They Like You And They Know You Like Them
Spark Of Love - When You Get Together
Magic Of Love - When You Feel Like Your Floating And Nothing Can Bring You Down
Fire Of Love - When You Bring Each Other Alive And You Feel Like You Can't Live Without The Other Person
Art Of Love - When It's Like A Beautiful Picture Being Drawn To Life
Emptiness Of Love - When It Starts To Fall Apart
Hurt Of Love - When It Ends
After Math Of Love - When It Hurts So Much You Can't Breath, Sleep, Eat Or Live Like You Used To
Cushion Of Love - When You Feel Yourself Getting Better
Serenity Of Love - When You Feel Your Ready For Another Relationship
Mystery Of Love - Back To Square One...

Your Amazing, Your Beautiful, Your Mind Blowing
Your Insane, Your Annoying, Your Irritating
Your Eccentric, Your Wonderful, Your Glowing
I Would Die For You, I Would Cry With You
I Wanna Hit You, I Want You Gone
I'd Give You My World If You Asked
I Hate You, I Love You, I Forgive You
People Say Your Crazy, People Say Your Trustworthy
But To Me, Your Just My Sister.

I Stand Here, Frozen, In A Moving Crowd, Thinking..
My Feet Refuse To Move, I'm Stuck Until I'm Free To Walk
People Stare As If I'm Some Sort Of Crazy
I Can't Help But Drop To My Knees, Crying
Drowning In My Tears And Torture, I Think I'm Lost
As I Kneel, Crying, A Woman Approaches Me, "Are You Okay?"
I Reply "I'm Fine", She Runs Off To Catch Her Train
If I Said I Was Upset Would She Of Stayed? I'm Just A Lost Child.

As I Lie Here Staring At The Ceiling, I Think Of Our Friendship And What It Meant
Thoughts Run Through My Head, My Head Is Flooded With Memories
As I Contemplate What Went Wrong, I Laugh With Myself
Reliving The Time We Had Is Joyful, But At The Same Time It Hurts
I Lie Awake, Restless, Out Of Breath
Eyes Strained From Crying, Fingers Sore From Gasping My Sheets So Tight
I Remember It So Clearly Now, The Friendship Was A Mistake
Although You Were The Highlight Of My Life, My Role Model
I Didn't Need You, I Wanted You For My Own Selfish Attention
I Feel My Emotions Switch Back And Forth Through Laughter And Hate
Until I Finally Pass Into The Dreaming Realm, As I Start To Dream
Your The Only Thing I Can See, I Toss And Turn, Calling Out Your Name
Is This A Dream Or Some Sort Of Nightmare
I Start To Shake And Shiver, But I'm Not Cold, Just Afraid, Afraid Of You
I Wake Up, Sweating In Fear, Yet I'm Not Afraid Just Worried It Was Real
As I Tell Myself It Wasn't Real, I Somehow Don't Believe It
I Need To Go For A Walk, Go Somewhere To Get You Off My Mind
I Stumble Around As If My Feet Haven't Seen Ground For Months
BANG I Hit The Ground, I Needed Something To Revive Me
As I Lie On The Ground In An Awkward Position
I Start To Wonder How You Came To Mind After All This Time
Time To Get Something To Drink And Try And Sleep Once More
I Wake Up The Next Day Revived And Feeling Great, Of Course The Fever Hasn't Set In
I Run Into You At Safeway, How You've Changed Amazes Me, Your Not The Friend I Knew
While You Tell Me What You've Been Doing Since I Last Saw You, I stare, I'm Confused
Your Everything You Didn't Wanna Be, Your All I Don't Like, I Dispise You
You Ask What I've Been Doing, I Keep It Short, Say Good-Bye And Walk Away
As I Walk Off I Wonder What Went Wrong With You, I Feel Accomplished
I Could Have Let Myself Become Like You, But I Will Never Lose Myself Like That.

I Was Afraid, You Helped Me Soar Above The Rest
When I'm Not Happy, You Give Me A Reason To Smile
As I Start To Cry, I Have You To Cry On
I Had My Doubts, You Made Them Disappear
I Built Up Walls Inside, Your Breaking Them Down
When Life Gets Tough, Your Worth Living For
You Bring Me Peace And Serenity When I'm In Your Presence
Nothing Is Better Than Seeing Your Face When I Miss You
You Make My Life Simply Amazing

Your My Superhero
You Catch Me Right Before I Fall Too Far
But This Time I Slipped Through Your Fingers
So I Continue To Fall Faster And Faster
As I Fall Drawing Closer And Closer To The End
I Remember All The Things You Say
And The Fall Isn't Erratic Anymore
It's A Soft Float As I Fall Further In Love With You

I Feel Weightless When Our Lips Collide
Your Hands Are Like A Warm Rushing Breeze
When You Wrap Your Arms Around Me I Feel Safe

I Know Exactly What I'm Going To Say
But The Words And Thoughts Escape Me
When Ever You Are Near

When I'm With You I Feel Like I'm In A Different World
It's Like No One Else Exists When We're Together
You Have A Million And One Ways To Make Me Smile
Even When I'm Mad At You, Your Still Irrisistable
I Get Butterflies When You Smile

Skeewl

Sherbrooke has definitely impacted the way I think
about society, the environment and even some
situations with my friends. I’ve only been at
Sherbrooke this year; it’s been a great year.

I would have to say Sherbrooke is more my
style compared to Monbulk. Like any other
school, Sherbrooke has its ups and downs,
but the students and teachers are a lot
more caring. At Monbulk there are levels
of popularity, like if you drink and smoke
you can hang with “the cool kids”, if you
do crazy stuff at school that isn’t mean
towards others for example running around
making loud noises,

you would pretty much be hanging with me
and my friends “the outcasts”, so you could
probably figure outI got bullied. When I
moved to Sherbrooke I knew a few people
and I had a feeling it would be a lot like
Monbulk, but I was wrong, everyone in yr
9/10 is very accepting and everyone gets
along no matter what differences they
have, I mean there would be the occasional
disagreement between certain people, but it
usually blew over eventually.

..

I'm Going Through All The Old Photos Of Me And You
I Come Across The Photo Of Us In Your Mum's Car
She Was Taking Me Home, I Had My Pillow And PJs
Your Wearing A White Singlet With A Bow On The Front
I'm Wearing Your Purple Jumper
You Pulled Out Your Camera And Said "JESS!?!"
As The Photo Gets Taken The Sun Hits Our Faces
Our Eyes Shine In The Extreme Sunlight
You Had Braces At The Time, But Your Smile Is Still Beautiful
Your Long Red Hair Was Tied Back That Day
It's Moments Like This I Could Have With You
I Miss You.

As I Sit Here Listening To My iPod
I Hesitate To Change The Song That Reminds Me Of You
As I Listen, I Close My Eyes And I Start To Imagine Your Face
I Feel You Come Alive As If Your Here Holding Me Close
I Feel Your Lips Touch Mine, But It's Not As Good As The Real Thing
I Remember Your Smile, Your Eyes So Clearly, You Could Brighten Up Any Day
I Listen To That Song Over And Over Again, Just To Get That Feeling
The Lyrics Are Almost Perfect For How You Make Me Feel
As I Sink Into Deep Thought About You, I Start To Wonder How I Found You
The Words Build Up And I Have To Sing Out To You, I Sing As If Your Here
I Thought I knew Real Love Before You, But You've Open My Eyes To What Real Love Is

Your My First Thought As I Wake Up, My Last As I Start To Dream
Those Eyes That Light Up My Heart Will Never Vanish
Or That Smile That Could Brighten Up Any Day
Erratic Butterflies Fly Around Inn My Tummy Whenever You Smile
You Have Me Dancing In My Head,
It's Getting Harder To Contain These Resonating Emotions
Can't Go A Single Second Without You In My Thoughts
I Wanna Spend Every Moment With You
Your My Everything, I'm Yours Forever

Your The Shining Sun That Brightens Up My Day,
The White Daisies Growing At My Feet I Could Lie In Forever,
The Rain Drop On The End Of My Nose I Hesitate To Whip Away,
The Colourful Rainbow After The Storm,
The Bright Stars I Could Stare At For Hours,
The Warm Breeze I've Been Waited For,
The Calm Wind That Says It's Going To Be Okay,
The Fast Tornado That Swept Me Off My Feet,
The Tall Tree That Started Growing On My Heart,
The Fluffy Clouds I Wanna Rest My Head On,
The Windy River I Can't Figure Out,
The Squishy Sand I Love Between My Toes,
The Mountain I Want To Climb,
The Waterfall That Flushes Away The Pain.
Your The One That Makes Me Wake Up With a Smile On My Face

You Leave Me Speechless Whenever You Smile
Breathless Whenever I Smell Your Sweet Scent
I Feel Weightless When You Hold Me In your Embrace
There's Such Innocence In Your Eyes
When I'm With You No One Else Matters
Like There's A Cloudy Haze Around Us
I Think I've Fallen For You And Now
I Lie Awake Wondering If Your Thinking Of Me Too

Story I Wrotee

I am so afraid to show anyone who I am. I don't understand why my life had so many mistakes, I really don't understand why they had to fight on that exact day. Well I'm seventeen now and all I have to show for it is no family and nothing to go home to.
I know the exact time and day my life started going rotten, my ninth birthday. It was the best party I'd ever had, you know friends, family and everything and anything you should feel and receive on your ninth birthday. Well that's how I felt until 5:09PM, 11 minutes before my party was going to end. I heard a fair amount of yelling from my mum and dad's room, so I went to investigate. I saw my dad on top of my mum punching her square in the face (talk about bad timing). Ever since that day I've been scared of men. I couldn't believe my own father could ruined the most amazing day of my life so far and at the party too, all my friends heard it, no wonder they never came over again.
For awhile all I could think about was that moment, that one moment. One thought came to mind, the fact that no matter how much love and trust there is in a relationship, being a woman is a disadvantage and it's like us women deserve to be pointlessly beaten. Well at least that was how it felt to me. Just knowing that a man that came across so sweet to me, could be the reason my mum got all those bruises, I wonder if my dad was the reason for my mum's broken arm too. I just walked out and tried to ignore what I just saw. I went back to my friends and said I just got a drink, my mum walked out a little after me, she might of heard me outside the door. I could tell something was up,she was wearing sunglasses inside, normal people don't do that.....she knelt down and kissed me on the cheek like she needed reassurance, I knew why, I saw a freshly bruised left eye, she tried to tell us it was from a jar or something falling from the top cupboard but I knew it was dad, it was pretty clear to me now that her job wasn't to blame for any of the bruises she got, come on, K-mart?
This was the first time I ever feared a person, dad of all people first person I feared was my own father, but I realised that men hurt, they show you feelings that they don't even feel to get what they want and if you don't let them have it, you'll be the only one who is hurt left in the room beaten, ever heard of the saying 'left in the lurch' well i bet that's how my mum felt at this point, Abandoned in a difficult position without any help, but thankfully she did kick him out. I don't know why she didn't do it earlier, why would you wait a whole week? fear i guess...
At my eleventh birthday party, my mum invited this guy she met at work to my party, my mum said I had to call him dad, I didn't like that so I just called him by his name, Tyler, I hated that name and everything he represented, he smoked, got drunk every night and even had a can of scotch for breakfast too and his job, well let's say he hunted and killed things. Well after awhile he started to show his true colours he was just like my dad plus those other traits. Alright, well, mum didn't leave this guy, I guess that was my fault he left her, I stabbed a fork in his arm because he grabbed my ass, mum said I was too harsh, but I don't think I was, was I?
I don't understand why my mum was so attracted to abusive men. Just last year my mum met my maths teacher because I was finishing all my work early and talking to other students who hadn't finished yet. His name to me was Mr. Hammerson but my mum called him Charles. It was good for awhile, I aced every maths test, but that really didn't matter after I saw him hit my mum and this time I was being hit too. So my mum tried to talk to him about it, she told him "I don't care if you hit me just don't hit my beautiful girl". Well he lashed out at me a few more times then he just yelled at me after that, but I still wasn't happy.....he still hit my mum.
The following Monday was a public holiday, my mum didn't have to work neither did Charles. My mum called me to her room alone. She pulled out a white stick of plastic, it was weird she looked so upset, I just looked at her. She told me this was a pregnancy test, a positive pregnancy test, "I don't want to believe it mum.....he's going to hurt you" I whispered to mum, mum nodded in agreement "I know, I don't know what to do?". Charles stormed in, pushed my mum on the bed and yelled right in my mum's face "what?! YOUR PREGNANT?! how?!" my mum tried to speak but no words came out. He was choking my mum, slowly losing breath, you could see the force on her throat, my mum tried speaking again you could just hear "stop..stop...pleaseee". Her face went pale, her whole body relaxed. Charles looked at me in the corner, crying, he thought about choking me too, you could see it in his eyes, the love for murder, the pleasure he got out of it, he walked out slamming the door behind him. I sat there crying for at least 47 minutes, I stopped myself form crying and shut my mum's eyes, she was so cold and lifeless. i hugged her remembering her smile, the happiness I always felt when i was around her and all the beautiful memories we had, I didn't want to believe she was gone forever and one moment and one man took my mummy away from me.
I waited with her until the police came, they didn't care I just lost my mum. They just pushed me away and told me to leave. When i went back it was raining, but i didn't care, it was good no one could see my tears, I crossed the 'DO NOT ENTER crime scene' tape. i went in and i just sat in the room where it happened, call me weird it helped me cope with the fact she's gone.
So here I am today, the quiet girl, reading a book to hide her feelings, that gets teased because she's not like any of the other girls, that fears men or anyone, the girl with no friends. So tired and sick of being so alone in this big world, the girl no one sees, trying to fix a broken heart and a broken spirit. The only things i have to remember my mummy by is this ring and this chain i put it on and all the beautiful memories. Well I'm sure you didn't expect that from me, did you Mr. Counsellor.

Song I Wrotee =D

For too long I've cried myself to sleep

Hoping you would want me back

I make it seem okay but,

Honestly I've never felt this bad

After awhile the pain fades

And I manage to get back on my feet

But behind closed doors

There's a lot you don't see

Behind this smile

There's a thousand words

You'll never hear again

So if I tell myself your coming back

I might make it through the day

Without tears streaming down my face

But I don't want you back

I just want you to hurt the way you hurt me

But behind closed doors

There's a lot you don't see

Behind this smile

There's a thousand words

You'll never hear again

So I've moved on I don't need you

I have the next best thing

The guy who has everything i ever wanted

But somehow your still in the background

Your always there like a cold breeze

Brushing over my skin

But behind closed doors

There's a lot you don't see

Behind this smile

There's a thousand words

You'll never hear again

Don't Let The Memories Fade
They Only Teach Us A Lesson We Needed To learn
I've Fallen Too Far Everytime, Always Get My Heart Broken
I dive Into The Deep End, Thinking It Will Be Different From The last
You Saved Me From Drowning, After Awhile You Got Sick Of Me
Put Me Back Into The Water, Now I Wait Here, Drowning
But Now I Think I've Found What I've Been Looking For
I Think I've Found My Forever And Always

Heal My Heart And Make It Clean
Let The Wounds Be Healed Forever More
Touch My Spirit And Cleanse My Soul
Fill My Life With What You Stole
Break Down The Walls Inside
And Clean Up The Mess