I've never been so sure about anything

Now that your here
Everything has gotten so clear
Even the storm clouds are calm


You told me you'll be my forever

We fight, scream and never fix it
Crying out to someone
I made a bad decision
But I'll shut my mouth

Now that my heart beats for you
Like the clock that never stops tick, tick, tickin' away
My head thinks about you
Like a song stuck on repeat playin' over and over again

You told me you were here to stay
Now you have to leave me
But, I fell in love so I know
There's no turning back

Now that my heart beats for you
Like the clock that never stops tick, tick, tickin' away
My body lies here, waiting
Like you were going to come back to me

Now that your here
I have one last thing to say
Take your bags and leave
Because you made my heart stop, now
Like a fighter droppin' their fists
'Cause they can't keep fight, fight, fightin' anymore.
I give up.

I think I love you
Say it again, tell me I'm the only one
Tell me I'm your fallen angel
That I'm not sleeping up on a cloud
Waiting to fall for you

For love, for love

Funny how, we'll do anything for love

Thinkin' it's the real thing
Believin' all my feelings were so true
For love

You let me hit the ground
I hit my head and broke my leg
As you broke my heart in two
Ya know I believed in you
And everything you used to do

And you know that you hurt me then
but I would do it all again

For love, for love
You know that, we'll do anything for love
Thinkin' it's the real thing
Believin' all your feelings were so true
For love

What did i do wrong
I'm choking on my tears
It doesn't have to be like this
Stop hiding behind your fears

For love, for love

You know, we'll do anything for love

Thinkin' it's the real thing
Believin' all our feelings were so true
For love

I Aimlessly wandering

Tripping, stumbling over my feet

Slowly moving through the crowd

Zombie, zombie, zombie

That's all I am

My best friend.

You take my beatings.

Listen when I need you to.

Hug me until I fall asleep.

Stay with me when I cry.

Laugh with me.

Your always there, when I get home.

iLove you Bella, My teddy bear.

i want to see you one last time

i am taking the pills now and forever

no, no please don't

don't do it, your crazy

but it's freedom

freedom from here

no, you'll be away from me

for a very long time

baby..don't stop talking

i love you

stop! please, please don't go

i couldn't leave you

good, your okay

i'm not okay

i'm writing my good-byes

the letter to my family

letter to those i knew but never forgot

but your not dead

it's not too late to turn back now

baby, i need you

so strange, why

i won't be alive tomorrow

i'll never forget your beautiful face

i'm going outside to see the sunrise one last time

it's so beautiful

i know baby, another to live

your so beautiful

your picture isn't enough anymore

heaven is more beautiful

i'll be sure to go there

i don't know how

i'm just hoping

stop!

no, no, baby don't do it

you have no reason to do it

you're perfect in my eyes

no, no

watching the silence fill your eyes kills me inside

don't wanna lose you forever

you'll be gone forever

never to be seen again

my invisible ghost

roaming the earth, lost, stumbling

searching for who you are

we're losing this battle we call life

you fall into the arms of death

forever lost, your soul searching for it's end

you make it seem like an accident

but it's no accident

no, no

watching the silence fill your eyes kills me inside

don't wanna lose you forever

you'll be gone forever

never to be seen again

my invisible ghost

roaming the earth, lost, stumbling

searching for who you are

no, no, we all know you

amazing, full of life, but now

your gone, gone

your soul searching for it's end

searching, searching for who you are

Right now, everything just crumbled at my feet
While I kneel trying to pick up the fragile pieces
People continue to pass by as if I'm not there at all
I stay there, frozen, as everyone rushes on by

My body refusing to move, I'm stuck

Confused and shaken up

I feel restrained

I have no control

I've lost all that I am

Hey, I thought it was time I told you


Your the Shining Sun That Brightens Up My Day,
The Bright Stars I Could Stare At For Hours.
The Rain Drop On The End Of My Nose I Hesitate To Whip Away,
The Tall Tree That Started Growing On My Heart,
The Colourful Rainbow After The Storm,

Your The One That Makes Me Wake Up With a Smile On My Face


Your the Fast Tornado That Swept Me Off My Feet,
The Warm Breeze I've Been Waiting For,
The White Daisies Growing At My Feet I Could Lie In Forever,
The Calm Wind That Says It's Going To Be Okay,
The Waterfall That Flushes Away The Pain.
Your The One That Makes Me Wake Up With a Smile On My Face

I told him to leave here

Never to return again

My heart stopped

Skipping seven and a half beats

Chorus

They told me I'm an angel

"Heal the world with your presence"

He said it's not possible

Chorus

The thought of him lingers through my mind

Making my toes tingle, and my lips tremble

We're standing next to each other, yet we're so far apart

As our lives drift apart, we grow more fond of other people around us.

you see no fault in what's happening to us

so you continue to live, breathe

I don't think I know you anymore.

Though...

Your amazing, your beautiful, your mind blowing

Your annoying, your insane, your irritating

I would die for you, I would cry with you

I want to punch you, I want you gone

I'd give you my world if you asked for it

I hate you, I love you, I forgive you

I have thrown all my cards on the table for you, baby

You make it hard for me to breath

I'm fighting for your love, though I already have it

You hurt me so, I don't want you around anymore

My heart aching, I begin to choke back my tears

Though...

Your amazing, your beautiful, your mind blowing

Your annoying, your insane, your irritating

I would die for you, I would cry with you

I want to punch you, I want you gone

I'd give you my world if you asked for it

I hate you, I love you, I forgive you

I watched as you walked away from me and it broke my heart

Because today was the day, I didn't want you to go away

Though...

Your amazing, your beautiful, your mind blowing

Your annoying, your insane, your irritating

I would die for you, I would cry with you

I want to punch you, I want you gone

I'd give you my world if you asked for it

I hate you, I love you, I forgive you

Today was the day, I didn't want you to go away

I've never seen anyone so anxious

Fighting for what she believes in

Nothing ever happens

Disappointment and failure reaps her face

We all know

She's had enough, She's giving up

Her head held high when you walk by

I can see, she's screaming on the inside

Innocence stolen, her pure heart trampled

Never to see her face again, would you even care?

Tell her she was just a waste of your time

Stop the lies, she deserves honesty

Did you even love her?

Falling over you she has nothing left

She's dying

She's had enough, She's giving up

Her head held high when you walk by

I can see, she's screaming on the inside

Innocence stolen, her pure heart trampled

If she ran away from here, would you even notice?

She's fought this fight for far too long

Reaching out for you, scratching out her eyes

There's apart of her missing whenever your not around

She lies where you were once

She's had enough, She's giving up

I can see, she's screaming on the inside

Innocence stolen, her pure heart trampled

I believe I was born to be unhappy, but to make others happy. =)

I saw a man today, he looked as if he was aimlessly wandering the streets. As I passed him slowly, I heard him softly say "She's not gone, she's here, by my side holding my hand" I looked at his face as he smiled. I couldn't help but stop and ask, "Excuse me, but who's holding your hand?" he explains "my girlfriend, she loves me." Confused, I stated "Sorry, but why did you say she's not gone?" He fell to his knees and started to sob "she died today, somewhere along this road and I wasn't there to stop that car hitting her."

-I watched as he walked away and it broke my heart, though I know I'll see him tomorrow.

-You say nothing's wrong, your fine, then you laugh nervously like it's going to make me stop worrying about you. I can see it in your eyes and feel it in your absent kiss.

-I don't think he has any idea how much I really do love him.

-Have you ever loved someone so much it crippled you into insanity?

-Have you ever cared for someone as much as I do for you?

-We're standing next to each other, yet we're so far apart.

-I'm watching her, she misses you, she misses your scent, your glorious smile.

As our lives together drift apart, we grow more fond of the other people around us.
Seeing no fault in what's happening we continue to live, breath.
We live life, slowly becoming more and more different to each other.
I don't think I know you anymore.

i slipped into a deep, deep sleep.
i began to toss and turn, shaking, sweating.
dreaming of the same terrible nightmare over and over.
it becomes hard to breath, grasping at my sheets.
ripping and tearing, kicking and screaming.
i awake, releaved, the blistering sun hurts my eyes.

i can't, i can't deal with this anymore
yet it's like an addiction to me
i know, i know it's not good for me
but nightmares and daydreams keep me alive

sitting in class, at school.
worst class of the day, the teacher is talking soo much.
i place my arms on the table to rest my head and close my eyes.
wow, i see myself laughing and joking with you, like it used to be.
it sure looks better than school, my friend shakes me to wake me.
looking around i put my head on the table again, but it's gone.

i can't, i can't deal with this anymore
yet it's like an addiction to me
i know, i know it's not good for me
but nightmares and daydreams keep me alive

i can't seem to let go of you
every thought of you still makes me smile
why can't you see what your doing to me
your my daydream and my nightmare

i know, i know it's not good for me
but nightmares and daydreams keep me alive

We Take So Much in Life For Granted And Forget The Importance To All The Smaller Things In Life That Are Always There When We Go Home After School Or Even Pass In The Street.
A Break Up Between A Boyfriend And Girlfriend Is Hard Enough, But When Someone Close To You Dies, It's Like A Piece Of You Has Been Ripped Away Forever. Suddenly Everything Loses The Light And Meaning It Had Before, You Find Yourself Torn Down And Faking Every Smile Until You Feel Okay Again. The Only Thing Keeping You Strong Is All The Friends That Care So Much For You, But It Won't Ever Be The Same.

The Perfect Gift

A Large Box Is Handed To Me, I Can't Help But Want To Know What's Inside.
I Lift The Lid Off It, Only To Find A Smaller Box Inside The Large Box.
Yet Again, Eager To Find Out What's Inside I Lift The Lid, To Find..A Box.
Again..Lifting Off The Lid, Another Box. How Exciting.
You Can See The Disapointment On My Face And Sense The Frustration In My Movement And Speech.
I Think To Myself, It's Just A Whole Lot Of Boxes Filled With Other Boxes.
Lifting Yet, Another Lid. I Finally Get To A Box That Looks As If It Couldn't Get Any Smaller, But It Did. Hesitating To Open The Next Box, I Toss It Aside Instead.
Frustrated And Angry, I Storm Off To My Room. You Follow After Me, Holding The Box So Close And Hand It To Me Once Again, Saying 'Just One More Box, For Me' With A Smile On Your Face.
So I Open Just One More Box For You, Only To Find A Chain And A Heart Shaped Ring.

The Ring Is Ingraved.. 'Keep Me Safe And I'll Be Yours Forever'.

something i wrote a few days ago..

every thought of you hurts, every photo of you still makes me smile.
each step harder than the first, staring straight ahead like i have no destination anymore.
stuck between two situations, heart battling head, love battling hatred, trust battling fear.
being alone sounds good, although being alone with my thoughts could make me insane.
everything has gone hazy, everyday feels worse than the last, everywhere i go isn't as bright as i remember.
i went to that place we used to hang and it made me cry, i walked home and ran to my room, only to have my mum walk in and ask what was wrong, but i didn't know what to say to her and i didn't want her to feel like she had to fix this.
the last time i saw you i didn't know what to say, i just said what came to mind.

Nightmares And Daydreams

I Slipped Into A Deep, Deep Sleep.
I Begin To Toss And Turn, Shaking, Sweating.
Dreaming Of The Same Horrible Thing Over And Over.
It Begins To Become Hard To Breath, Gasping The Sheets.
Ripping And Tearing, Kicking And Screaming.
I Jump, Shaking, Sitting Up Rubbing My Eyes.
I Start To Calm Myself 'Aaah, It Was Just A Nightmare'.

Sitting In Class, At School.
The Worst Class Of The Day, The Teacher Is Talking So Much.
I Place My Arms On The Table And Rest My Head, I Close My Eyes.
Wow, I See Myself, Laughing And Joking With My Friends.
It Sure Looks Alot More Fun Than School Right Now.
My Friend Shakes Me, The Teacher Asks Me A Question.
Half Asleep I Answer And Lie Down Again.
I Can't Seem To Get Back To The Day Dream.
I Sit Up And Think 'Ooh Well, It's Almost Lunchtime Anyway'.

What Is True Love?
Is It Just Falling In Love With Someone Who You Care About? No.
True Love Is A Million And One Miles Past Just Falling In Love.
It's When You Take That One Step Further To Be With Someone.
When Your Heart Opens Up To Someone And Continues To Open.
It's Not Finding Someone Perfect, But Seeing An Imperfect Person, Perfectly.
Sticking Together Through Anything, No Matter How Hard It Really Gets.
It's Like A Spider-Web, It's Starts Off Small, But Can Grow And Grow With Time And Age.

It's Funny How You Never Seem To Forget Your First Kiss Or The First Time You Fell In Love.
Love Is Strange, Crazy And Unpredictable.
That Feeling Of Your Heart Racing Faster And Faster, But Beating Slowly At The Same Time.
It's A Little Bit Silly How We Get Hurt And Run Back Onto That Battlefield We Hold So Close, Called Love.
I Guess, Everyone Needs To Feel Loved And No Matter How Much We Get Our Heart Broken Or How Badly, We Crave That Feeling Of Being Loved By Someone That We Care So Much About.
We All Know It Won't Last Forever, But When You're In Love You Live To Spend Every Second With That Special Person.

I'm Seven Years Old And I've Never Been So Nervous, We're Making Our Way To A Wedding. You Tell Me Not To Worry I'll Be Just Fine, I Smile And Give You A Big Hug. As We Get Out Of The Car, I See People Stare As You Step Out Of The Car, Your Beautiful White Dress Flowing Behind You. You Look Like An Angel, You Whisper To Me "I Know You'll Be Good At This Because Your A Princess", I Start To Smile. We're Waiting For The Music To Start So We Can Walk Down The Aisle, Here It Comes, Here I Go. 'Step, 1, 2, Throw Step, 1, 2 Throw' I Say To Myself Trying Not To Mess It All Up, The White And Pink Petals Float Gently Towards The Ground As I Toss Them In The Air. You Make Fairy Tales Seem So Dull, "You May Kiss The Bride", "Aww". The Best Part Was Getting My Photo Taken With The Most Gorgeous Lady I've Ever Seen. I Have Five Minutes To Run Around, I Trip And Get The Worst Grass Stain On My White Dress, I Come Running To You Crying My Little Eyes Out Apoligizing On My Knees Hugging Your Legs So Tight. You Tell Me "It's Okay It's Just A Stain It Will Come Out" And Give Me Some Lollies. I Skip Away Singing To Myself, When A Boy Asks Me To Dance, I Look Back At You And You Tell Me To Go And Dance. As We Get On The Dance Floor A Slow Song Comes On, I Rest My Head On His Shoulder As We Dance. When We Finish Dancing I Run To You, Giggling, Hug You And Say Thank You For Letting Me Be Your Flower Girl.

I was fifteen when they took my two sisters, brother and I away from our home. We lived in the Wurundjuri area in the Kurung-jang-balluk tribe. My youngest sibling is my two year old brother, Tommy, he’s half white boy, he has a different dad to us girls , he cud barely walk, Jirra was the second youngest, her name means a kangaroo, she can jump higher than the sun, she is eight, after Jirra was me, Bakana, my name means the lookout, mum always said I had sharp eyes, I could spot anything, then there was my oldest sister, she’s sixteen, Kadee, her name means mother, she always took care of us, ever since mum died it hasn’t been the same. Mum got shot by Tommy’s dad before he left, mum explained to us that she was scared of Tommy’s dad because Tommy was an accident, we knew what she meant by that but she would never ever tell us, that’s why she just kept us close, that could be why he shot her because he never got to do that to her again.
It was just after sunrise on my 15th birthday, and this strange man woke Kadee, she woke up and told me to wake up the others, Kadee wouldn’t tell us why we had to run. We ran all day that day, by noon we got so far away from home we didn’t know the way back. We stopped for to lie down and rest our eyes. When I woke up we were in this dark, cold building with lots of beds in it with lots of other kids just like us, I didn’t know where we were, all the other kids told us it would be fine and we’re just at a camp for aboriginal kids. They stole us from our land; they took all of us away from our people, our culture. They forced us to learn the way they live.
A lady in white came in, covered from head to toe with only her face and hands showing, she told us we had to wash, she took us to the shed where they washed you and afterwards she gave us new clean clothes. She said we had to get dressed and go straight to the big building with the big door. We walked in holding hands, they said we had to bow our head and put our hands together, all the other kids started saying the same thing, the lady in white explained it was called praying and that we were in church, Tommy was crying all through the prayer. The lady in white took us to the front and poured water on us and told us that we are now Christians and we now believe in god and we follow by his rules that are in the bible.
Later that day we sat down on the dusty, dry ground. The man who pushed everyone who pushed us around, he came for a visit to find the whiter kids to go to a smarter school so they could be a doctor or something good like that. He checked all the new kids, my sisters and I got checked, youngest to oldest. First Tommy, he didn’t get taken luckily he got most of mum’s colour. Jirra was next, she was checked very closely and he said he needed to check her a bit closer. Then me, he just looked at me and said “no” and finally Kadee, she was checked, he said she was white enough for school. They took our older sister away from us, we needed her to take care of us she was like our mum. We fought for them not to take her, I begged that they would take me instead or someone else. They held us back wouldn’t let us go until Kadee was in the truck and gone until the dust covered the road and we couldn’t see the truck anymore.
I couldn’t sleep that night, neither could Tommy, he was tossing all night. Jirra was still with that man, I couldn’t help but worry. I knew he was going to make her go too. Tommy finally got to sleep just as Jirra ran in crying, she woke the whole room up, even Tommy. The girl in the bed next to me said she got the special treatment and that he must of liked her I didn’t know what that meant but i was going to ask Jirra when she settled. When calmed down a bit, I walked to her bed as quiet as I could, I asked Jirra what had happened and why she was so upset, she just asked where Kadee was, she was dodging the topic, I told her that they took Kadee to the place where whites go and asked her again. She started to cry, I heard footsteps coming to our room, I quickly jumped back in bed and lucky I did, the lady in white came in and said “I hope you girl’s are asleep” and took Tommy to her room because he was crying.
I talked to Jirra about it the next day when we were going to get Tommy from the lady in white’s room. Jirra said that that man touched her where Tommy’s dad touched our mum, she told me that and started to cry and said it hurt and she doesn’t want to get shot like mum did. I tried to calm her down before we got to Tommy, I said that she shouldn’t worry because it won’t happen if I stay around her and don’t let that man come near her again. When we got to the lady in white’s room Tommy was gone and she told us that he is in a better place now, we both looked at her puzzled. She explained that he had passed while he was sleeping, but the way these people acted we didn’t trust her word we didn’t trust anyone here, specially the white ones.
For the following three weeks the lady in white went to church a lot. It was Sunday; we were figuring a way to get out of going to church. We hid around the back of the church; we could smell something really revolting. We walked around the building a bit more to find out if it was around the corner. It was Tommy’s rotting corpse; I don’t know what they did to him or why they would do it. So it was just Jirra and I.
Everyone went to bed later that night Jirra and I were planning to run, we didn’t know where but we had to get out of this place before we got separated or killed. We climbed out of bed took sum blankets and started to run, when we got a fair way away we heard sirens going off. We started to run faster I don’t know what it was, we could run a lot faster after we heard the sirens. They knew we took off, we knew they were coming for us, they wanted us back there, and they wanted to trap us again.
We ran all night and all the next day, we couldn’t stop for a rest we had to keep going, otherwise we would get caught like the first time. We got too tired to run anymore. We started to stumble. Jirra tripped so I carried her. So now we had to stop for a rest, we needed it. I had sore feet, Jirra twisted her ankle when she fell. We don’t remember ever being this tired, not even when mum made us chase those kangaroos. When we woke up in the morning, we found some bread, it had some dirt on it but it was food so we ate it. I could see a truck in the distance, I knew that truck I remembered it from that camp, it was that man he came for Jirra, he wanted her back. I wouldn’t let him take her we couldn’t he can’t do this to her again she only eight. I got a really sharp rock and when he reached for Jirra I cut him and we started running again, we were so worn out Jirra started to slow down because of her ankle, I slowed down and picked her up and carried her. This man was sick he wasn’t going to stop until he got Jirra. I got tired but I couldn’t give up on Jirra I kept running until my little heart couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t keep going; I tripped into a ditch, and dropped Jirra.
That man caught up to us and he took Jirra but he left me, it didn’t make any sense to me wouldn’t he just take us both. So now it was just me, I just gave up. I just lied there for three days. I thought about everything that had happened ever since we got taken from our home. I started walking just for something to do. I got over a dusty mountain and there it was my home, I was home. After all this time I was finally home.